cold dark space

lost this little 6 month old guy on 6/8/01. needed a liver transplant; got one, didnt work, got a second, didnt work, mom finally decided to let him go. i hope to god to never have to make a decision like that. i admire her ability to let him go, even though it hurts her. he died after i moved up to jersey. he was awaiting a liver when i left; he was the last patient i saw at shands on my last day. i still keep in touch with grandma. she wrote some very lovely things to me; made me remember why i do this. i am very thankful to make these family connections every now and then.

I feel so much- Anger, despair, helplessness, fear, violated. What kind of human being could do something like this? What does this prove-- How inhuman they are? Well, they proved that much. I don’t understand how a group of “people” can plan something like this for however long it takes, then execute it, but then deny they did anything. I’m trying on some twisted perverse level to understand that too. First, you are cowardly enough to do this to innocent citizens that have never done anything to you. Then, you can’t even claim responsibility? You realize that we will find you. We will make you face this.
What “religion” are you hiding behind? May God have your ultimate punishment waiting for you all. Shame on you for claiming to be a human being. You are an animal. I deny you as a human being; you are not one of us. You are less than us. You are so low that you probably can’t even understand this letter.
How dare you intrude into our lives and rip our security out from under us. That is what our fathers and grandfathers fought and gave their lives to give us. Now we must do the same for our children. It is our turn to step up to protect the comfort we have known our entire lives, in order for our children to know the same; as all children in the world should know, but unfortunately will not know.
May your children deny you. May you die lonely and scared; may you die as your victims did, but without knowing someone loves you. What is your life for? Who will lovingly remember you? No one will remember you without a bad taste in their mouth. You are nothing! If I could apprehend you, I would force you to face each and every family member, friend, and concerned citizen that lost a fellow human being. I would force you to see the anguish and anger of these people, to look into the children’s eyes who will never see their mommy or daddy again. Would you even feel anything? Probably not; I pity you and your deplorable life. You and your people have no concept of the value of life, and therefore, you do not deserve to have the precious gift of life in my opinion.