cold dark space

Please, I beg of you guard
Let me see in
I will make no noise
I will remain unseen
I will never ask to return again
If only you let me see in
My heart aches for a glimpse
For a paused moment in time
To see the look upon his face
To see him free of pain
To see him running with ease
To see him feel a mother’s true unconditional love
To see that smile just once more
That’s all I ask
Please, I beg of you guard
Then I will leave…

It’s been a year and 2 months since he left me. The stabbing, throbbing pain is gone, but it is replaced by an emptiness I accept will no longer be filled, nor do I want it to.

Don’t go just yet
I still want to talk
I have to hold your hand just a few moments more
Do you have questions?
I want you to have peace
What can I do to make it easier?
I will do it.
Were you scared?
Please say no.
I couldn’t bare it if you were.
I wish I had been there.
And I wasn’t.
Please forgive me.
Maybe you didn’t even miss me;
That’s not bad either, as long as love surrounded you.
And you felt peace.
What was it like?
Was it warm and soft?
You could suddenly breathe easy, like never before?
No hunger?
No more masks?
No more meds?
No treatments?
What do you do all day long?
Do you have to sleep?
Are you busy all the time?
Do you think of me?