cold dark space

i'm tired. and worn out. i have nothing left to give. my soul is sucked dry. i am deflated. i hate that work is doing this to me. something i used to love doing, and i cant even wake up in the mornings. i go through the motions. i barely get by. i have to use all my energy to keep from screaming at others, or having a nervous breakdown. i used to love bathing and dressing kids, i'd even buy stuff for them that i knew they needed but werent going to get due to family situations. we'd treat them as if they were our own. god, i used to LOVE my career. now, i don't even know if i want to continue. and this is after only 5 years??? i know why nurses leave nursing; how much can you give? we are humans too. we arent an endless giving phenomenon. we need to be taken care of too. everyone wants to complain about the nursing shortage, but no one wants to do anything to fix it. this place lets everything fall on the shoulders of the nurse. i know if a doctor made a mistake, that he'd hang the nurse out to dry; as would the hospital. no one would stand behind us. this institution is a fucking joke; christain hospital my ass. there is nothing christ like about this place. god vomits at the thought. i feel so trapped. it is affecting every part of my being, as i've tied being a nurse into how i view myself. i am ashamed of the way i feel.