cold dark space

you read it right! i talked to mom on the way home from work tonight. for maybe the first time i can remember, the call didn't start with mom's usual opener "what do you want?" (which let me tell you nothing will kill your spirit for conversation than that there). she told me how she was feeling, how great the ppl at her job are being, she asked me how many more days left at work (only 4!!). she asked how the ultrasound and things were going with all that shit. i told her how emotionally tolling this all has been, how i don't know if i want to continue this path of infertility. she suggested adoption, we talked about it. it is reasurring to know if we go down that path, that my parents will be totally good with it, since mom is adopted and all. but it's the comments from some that scare me. my uncle who when talking about some relative, says "he wasn't really our cousin anyways, he was adopted." to which i retorted, "well, laura jean was adopted and she's just as much our cousin as the ones who are missing teeth who we unfortunately are blood related." he admitted he was wrong to say that. but what if something like that was said about my baby? or worse, to him? i've heard other comments, not nasty in nature, but not totally positive either. woah, tangent.

so anyways, i called billy after i got off the phone with mom, and i almost cried because of the normal conversation i had.