cold dark space

I am in utter shock. I sit here writing this letter, not sure to whom. Are you the one who will pick us? I am so excited, I am shaking. Images of swings and pools and laughing and ice cream and pictures take over my mind. And then another image. My heart aches at the image of another mother making the most difficult decision anyone could face; my eyes overflow with tears as I realize my joy is another’s pain. Will I be able to mirror this woman’s courage and selflessness? Can I possibly ease her pain? I need her to know that I will put every fiber of my being into being a mother; all my heart, mind, and soul. My everything. Will I ever be able to thank her enough? Will she ever find peace with her decision? Will my child ever be able to understand what his first mother has done for him? I want him to grow up with as much love as possible, including his birth mother. He needs to know he was not abandoned or rescued, but placed into our arms by a beautifully loving mother who wanted everything for him, sacrificing her own needs and wants for his. Is this our son?